A Girl Like Me

Sitting in those high school desks was never super comfortable. You know the ones I mean- it's a desk, it's a chair, no, wait- it's both for the price of one! To make matters worse, I was sitting in practically the exact same seat (alphabetically!) as I had for Sophomore English, two years prior except now, it was Senior AP English with Mr. Hubbard. He was one of my all time favorite teachers so I was anxious to see what he picked for us to read this year. It was hot like only early September in New England gets- sticky. Added to that, it was last period of the day- extra sticky and sweaty. A whole day's worth of sweaty teenagers already stewing in the air. Sigh.

Mr. Hubbard started talking about the year and his expectations for us. I will admit, I kind of tuned him out until my ears perked up at To Kill A Mockingbird. To Kill A Mockingbird? Again? Why? I mean, I liked the book the first time but what could we possibly gain from reading it again?

The first time I had read TKAM, maybe I wasn't paying as much attention. Maybe it was maturity, maybe it was hormonal. Maybe it was both for the price of one. I think I read the book for more surface purposes the first time.

Upon reading it a second time, I saw more of Scout Finch in me than I had remembered. It was the younger, tomboy, fighter (not physically) in me that I identified with: Always being told to act a certain way or to not act a certain way but also not afraid to speak up and ask the questions others may not have wanted to ask. As I entered my senior year of high school, I realized I was losing my "inner Scout" both for better and for worse. Much like the way TKAM is told- from Scout's perspective looking back- I could reflect on what parts of my own personality had grown or changed with time and experience.

The second reading of TKAM was deeper and more reflective than the first. We of course hit all the major themes (race relations and the justice system, loss of innocence) but I was now able to see the transition that was made through the characters from innocence to experience. It made me somewhat sad to mourn the loss of my own innocence but better able to identify what this is and how it happens to us as we age. The most important lesson I gleaned from this second reading is that even when reading the same text more than once, we are NOT the same person and the two years of high school that happened in between the two occasions I had read TKAM were truly huge milestone, growing years and who we are and what we bring to the table when we read, deeply affects how we interpret and absorb text.

In looking back now, I realize that Mr. Hubbard was doing me a favor in asking me to take a second look and it's something that has stayed with me all along.